i moved.

again.

my new blog address is juiceandpickles.wordpress.com

=) check it out.

so you had a bad day

so i finally decided on a blog title that is totally me. unfortunately, 1.WordPress has yet to send me the confirmation email so that I can get it going  2. I am DEAD BROKE so i cant get the CSS upgrade that unfortunately only works for the blog you purchase it under, which for the record, i think is RIDICULOUS.

number two isnt so bad for now, but number one prevents me from even logging in.

bummer dude.

meantime, i owe my parents $230, currently have $27.50 in my bank account, my step-brother owes me $20 and my last paycheck was only $95.96.

I HATE MONEY.

today, I was checking my email and my bank emails me my balance once a week, or when it gets low. friday it emailed me that i had around $20 in my account. okay, thats fine. Saturday I get a check, anyway. well, i forgot to get my check while i was at work saturday; it must have had something to do with the fact that i was throwing up every 10-20 minutes, and then on top of it had arthritis in my arm as well as the pulled muscle, and had to clean up someones stinky, disgusting mess all over the stall of the bathroom. (thats what i get for not being a manager.) so anyhow, i forgot to pick up my check. i wasnt so worried, though because i knew id get it today, and that nothing else was going to come out automatically this month (may) so as long as i didnt spend any money, id be fine.

well, evidently something came out. and a few overdraft fees later, with me knowing NOTHING, im 270.50 in the hole. GAH. i had a panic attack. full on, crying, heaving, shaking, hysterical panic attack. it really was a fun time. then when my mom came home, and i told her, she just rolled her eyes. she thinks my panic attacks are in my head, and that if i really wanted to, i could control it. i probably could, i just dont know how. and ive had them since i can remember, just i would refer to them as just getting really really confused and emotional all of a sudden, and attribute it to being tired or having low blood sugar or high blood sugar or something. anything but to admit i had panic attacks. those were for crazy people, right?
after i saw a special on discovery health (while i was laying in a hospital bed, haha) that highlighted panic attacks, disorders, and symptoms of panic, i knew that was what i had been having more and more frequently over the past few years. now, they arent all that frequent, because i have learned a few tricks to help ease my mind and maybe prevent myself from getting that bad. however, when i do have one, like today, theyre bad. real bad. and afterwards i feel exhausted and weak and sore, from all my muscles tensing and the intense emotions that surge through me in such a short amount of time.

so that was that. my mom reluctantly lent me $230 so that i could pad my account a bit, and not so reluctantly provided me with every reason in the world i was irresponsible.

basically, i had a bad day. but i AM really excited about my new blog and i will let all of you know (the whole 3 people that read this?) when the change happens.

have a nice night.

I AM SO FRUSTRATED.

i dont know what i want. for anything. i dont know what blog i want to use. its ridiculous, really. i spent hours and hours and even some money on my new blog, and now i dont like it. its too…. frilly for me. colors and stuff. the problem is, is that the theme and title i chose really only goes with frilly colors. the theme and title are me, but the colors ARE NOT. IM IRRITATED. its really a stupid thing, i know. but the way things have been going, my OCD has kicked in quite a bit and now im just unhappy with the whole outcome of it all. so theres 30 dollars wasted, okay 15 wasted. the other 15 was for the CSS upgrade so thats not a total waste. its the 15 i spent to get bathtubandbunnyslippers.com that was a WASTE. i might still use it and try to figure out a way that will make it more me. which i really dont see as a possibility at the moment.

UGH.

even if your hands are shaking,

i can do this. i am so relieved school is over and im NEVER going back. to that school or online classes in general, EVER EVER again.

i am so excited for this summer. relaxation, and actually taking the steps i WANT to take towards my future.

on another note:

my birthday is in 9 days. =)

<BLINGYBLOB.COM COUNTDOWN BEGIN /> <embed src=”http://www.blingyblob.com/countdown/BlingyCountdown5.swf” flashVars=”MovieOvers=0&TitleOvers=1&BGOvers=1&TextExpiration=MY%20BIRTHDAY%21%21%21%20SO%20LONG%20TEENAGE%20YEARS%21%21%21&TextTitle=the%20big%20TWO%2DZERO%21&GlowColor=16777215&NumsColor=16777215&TextColor=6684774&BGColor=16724838&Second=0&Minute=0&Hour=0&Day=12&Month=5&Year=2008&” quality=”high” bgcolor=”#ffffff” width=”300″ height=”200″ name=”index_admin” align=”middle” allowScriptAccess=”sameDomain” type=”application/x-shockwave-flash” pluginspage=”http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer” /><br><a href=”http://www.blingyblob.com/countdown/index.htm”>Create yours at BlingyBlob.com!</a><br> <BLINGYBLOB.COM COUNTDOWN END />

=)

what are you getting me?

just kidding. i dont even know what i want from anyone. just a fun day or night, is all. and maybe a massage =)

or how about for my pancreas to stop acting up? or my arthritis to just take a chill pill for a while?
but mostly, just brats and saurkraut, and maybe a hat or a tiara. =)

fo free?

so. heres the deal.

i need a new look. a new fun CUSTOM look for my blog.

but i dont have any money and i dont have paypal anyway. and i learned myspace html in a few months, but i dont have the time nor the energy to learn it for wordpress. and its way more confusing. and yes. there are HUGE differences in the html for myspace and the html here.

so here is my proposal. i will trade an awesome layout for one of the below items. and if you really want to just help out a dead broke and bored-with-her-boring-layout college student, here is your chance.

1. a myspace layout. customly done to fit your specific needs, desires, etc. and an update on your myspace layout anytime you ask. (within reason.) im not sure anyone on here even has a myspace… but the offer is on the table.

2. a painting done by me. i havent posted any art pictures, (im working on it) but i will, and i would be happy to send you a painting =) im fairly good.

3. a HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE hug via internet =) as well as a link to your blog on my own. and due credit of course. and a million referrals if you wish. (okay, so i dont have a million friends, but i would be willing to tell everyone i know.)

or if you know of any good sites to just teach me how to make a layout on my own, that wont confuse the crap out of me, recommendations are appreciated. i would just rather not have to take the time to learn.

thank you in advance!!