so you had a bad day

so i finally decided on a blog title that is totally me. unfortunately, 1.WordPress has yet to send me the confirmation email so that I can get it going  2. I am DEAD BROKE so i cant get the CSS upgrade that unfortunately only works for the blog you purchase it under, which for the record, i think is RIDICULOUS.

number two isnt so bad for now, but number one prevents me from even logging in.

bummer dude.

meantime, i owe my parents $230, currently have $27.50 in my bank account, my step-brother owes me $20 and my last paycheck was only $95.96.

I HATE MONEY.

today, I was checking my email and my bank emails me my balance once a week, or when it gets low. friday it emailed me that i had around $20 in my account. okay, thats fine. Saturday I get a check, anyway. well, i forgot to get my check while i was at work saturday; it must have had something to do with the fact that i was throwing up every 10-20 minutes, and then on top of it had arthritis in my arm as well as the pulled muscle, and had to clean up someones stinky, disgusting mess all over the stall of the bathroom. (thats what i get for not being a manager.) so anyhow, i forgot to pick up my check. i wasnt so worried, though because i knew id get it today, and that nothing else was going to come out automatically this month (may) so as long as i didnt spend any money, id be fine.

well, evidently something came out. and a few overdraft fees later, with me knowing NOTHING, im 270.50 in the hole. GAH. i had a panic attack. full on, crying, heaving, shaking, hysterical panic attack. it really was a fun time. then when my mom came home, and i told her, she just rolled her eyes. she thinks my panic attacks are in my head, and that if i really wanted to, i could control it. i probably could, i just dont know how. and ive had them since i can remember, just i would refer to them as just getting really really confused and emotional all of a sudden, and attribute it to being tired or having low blood sugar or high blood sugar or something. anything but to admit i had panic attacks. those were for crazy people, right?
after i saw a special on discovery health (while i was laying in a hospital bed, haha) that highlighted panic attacks, disorders, and symptoms of panic, i knew that was what i had been having more and more frequently over the past few years. now, they arent all that frequent, because i have learned a few tricks to help ease my mind and maybe prevent myself from getting that bad. however, when i do have one, like today, theyre bad. real bad. and afterwards i feel exhausted and weak and sore, from all my muscles tensing and the intense emotions that surge through me in such a short amount of time.

so that was that. my mom reluctantly lent me $230 so that i could pad my account a bit, and not so reluctantly provided me with every reason in the world i was irresponsible.

basically, i had a bad day. but i AM really excited about my new blog and i will let all of you know (the whole 3 people that read this?) when the change happens.

have a nice night.